Forget your Daniel Craigs and your Sean Connerys—last night at the Ripon Theatre Festival, we witnessed the birth of a new secret agent who could charm the pants off Mmm, don't get me started on the M references - you'll have to see it to believe the linguistic gymnastics they pull off, outsmart Q, and leave Moneypenny begging for more. Step aside, 007, because Jane Blonde is in town, and she's got 24 hours to save the world... and our Friday night entertainment!

But first, a word about the pre-show shenanigans that had us wondering if we'd accidentally wandered into a crowdfunding conference. The actors as desperate thespians, prowled the audience like theatrical talent scouts, searching for their own evil mastermind financier. One poor punter named Gary found himself recruited faster than you could say, "Do you expect me to talk?"—to which the obvious reply was, "No, Mr. Gary, we expect you to PAY!"

What followed was pure cinematic gold wrapped in theatrical silver and delivered with the precision of a perfectly aimed Walther PPK. This wasn't just a play—it was a covert operation to infiltrate our funny bones and extract every last laugh.

Agent Blonde herself was absolutely magnificent—channelling the suave sophistication of Bond with the comedic timing of a master spy who's just discovered her martini's been replaced with a Lambrini. She skilfully navigated through plot twists with a deftness rivalled only by Rosa Klebb, delivering one-liners that would leave even Roger Moore in awe.

The villains? Deliciously dastardly! They chewed scenery with the relish of Jaws enjoying his metallic lunch, each delivering performances so wonderfully over-the-top they made Blofeld look positively understated. Their outrageous plotting contained more twists than a double-agent or even, in this case, a triple-agent's loyalty card.

The supporting cast operated like a well-oiled MI6 unit—each agent perfectly briefed on their mission to deliver maximum laughs. Every performer, whether they disguised themselves as Action Men or tackled Michael Maloney's brilliantly tacky advertisements, possessed a license to thrill.

The script by Ian Flemish (oh, the genius of that name!) was sharper than Bond's bow tie and twice as clever. Pure genius that had more puns and clever innuendos than this review. As one member of the audience opined to me it's "really, really clever," an understatement if ever there was one. Double entendres flew faster than Aston Martin ejector seats, each one perfectly pitched to soar over younger heads while hitting the target with adult audiences. Lines like "Piste Off" and "Ski you later" had us groaning with delight - the kind of wordplay that would make even the most hardened secret service operative crack a smile.

The technical wizardry was pure Q-branch brilliance. With nothing but a curtain and the theatrical equivalent of a few exploding pens via a couple of party poppers, this crack team transported us from aeroplanes to outer space with the efficiency of a well-planned casino heist. The choreography was smoother than Bond's chat-up lines, especially during the laser sequences that had us ducking for cover and the Jenga sequence was simply superb.

The selection of Bond and Mission Impossible themes was truly inspiring, akin to John Barry and Lalo Schifrin engaging in a fierce musical duel. Every musical cue hit its mark with the precision of a golden gun.

This production packed more gadgets than Q's entire arsenal and delivered more laughs than watching Blofeld's master plan backfire spectacularly. The ad-libs were sharper than hidden blade cufflinks, and the use of that simple curtain was more effective than any invisible car.

The feel-good factor was off the charts—like discovering your nemesis has accidentally blown up his own secret base.This is theatrical entertainment at its finest, funnier than watching Hugo Drax accidentally jettison himself into space.

If you missed this it soon heads to the Edinburgh Festival, you'll be kicking yourself harder than a Bond villain who's just revealed their entire plan five minutes too early. This is the kind of show that reminds you why live theatre is still the ultimate secret weapon against a boring evening.

Mission accomplished, Agent Blonde. The world is safe... and thoroughly entertained deserving ★★★★★ Five Golden Guns.

If you don't want to miss anymore of the Ripon Theatre Festival. Click here for more