fiction
“Financed Fidelity” – ‘A Gloxck Game Story’
Image courtesy of Pixabay
Ah, the capricious whims of fickle fate. Possession of genius is a cruel gift, only bestowed upon those able to bear its weighty, unsolicited burdens. I find myself sought out by Calliope, my pen a servant of her divine will. Ever eschewing the banausic swamp of commercial life, I echoed Hercules himself and bravely addressed my own creative labours. Dearest diary, you find me blessed by both literary fame and fortune…the ‘Glockz’ series having been widely published and swiftly followed by four Best Selling novels charting our intrepid assassin’s deliciously malevolent crusades.
My novels now rub shoulders with those of Dan Brown, Archer and E. L James. Darling diary, doctor’s surgeries and the shelves of my devoted acolytes heave with copies of my exquisite works ! Netflix are in negotiation with my agent as I write…
Imagine my horror when I received the following missive from my publisher ! Only Iphigenia could understand the tortuous tumult assailing my creative psyche, every bit as ferociously as the waves that battered poor Agamemnon’s cursed vessel !
Despite modest misgivings, I will march on … a three-book deal garlanded with an obscenely generous advance buoys up my bobbing spirits. I will close now, oh precious record of my most intimate thoughts … test driving a Bentley early on the morrow, and must away to my bed, in search of relief from the slings and arrows of not misfortune, but my publisher’s somewhat nuanced praise. The sheets may well be soiled by the tears I shall sadly shed; however I am accustomed to soiling my sheets, as you my faithful friend are all too well aware. Missive attached below …
…………………………….
Dear Paul Smallding–Dotcock
We very much hope that this note finds you well.
Unit sales of the latest ‘Glockz’ novel have exceeded all forecasts, propelling your novel to Best Seller status across all thirteen of our managed territories. Plans are afoot to have this iteration (as with the previous three books in your series), translated into five European languages and possibly Japanese. A second print run has been confirmed and the titles will all be launched across the Asian Sub-Continent shortly. Our US office reports blockbuster sales figures, dwarfing even those here in the UK.
Business imperatives require me to draw your attention to the attached contract, confirming the details of our agreement to proceed with a further three books in the series. We trust that you will find the terms most satisfactory. We should very much appreciate a signed copy to be returned at your earliest convenience.
I find myself compelled to express my gratitude for allowing our publishing house to bring your astonishing work to the world. I must also apologise for my initial misgivings in respect of your creative efforts. Whilst it is a matter of record that I considered your short stories to be the work of an incompetent buffoon with the literary merit of a rabid chimpanzee, I have now recognised their undoubted genius.
What I erroneously took for tone deaf prose and figurative language as incongruous as it was both illiterate and butchered to the point of farce, I now understand to be nothing short of Parnassian prose. Seeing Freudian slips where only bardic brilliance danced, I blindly ridiculed your work as both derivative and undeniably demented. That which caused me to wonder if you were perverted to the point of psychotic monomania now garlands your work as the finest gold filigree a crown.
I had considered your plots implausible and asinine to the point of being both ludicrous, and lamentable. I scoffed at your mangled metaphors and strangled similes, considering them to be the cruelly oppressed pall bearers of your laughably hackneyed narratives. Worst yet, devoid of apparent tension, suspense or credible dramatic effect, I flagrantly criticised what I rashly mistook for rank, diarrhetic doggerel.
It is to my eternal shame that I misjudged your talent and did so without hesitation. Whilst your initial submissions caused me to wonder if you were chronically delusional, even perhaps mentally unwell, I now see that your technical bravura and literary legerdemain are beyond doubt. How could I have gazed upon Athena herself and seen only the disfigured visage of Shelley’s most maligned monster ! What I had taken for crudely assembled limbs, stitched together with the ugly thread of incompetence, was in fact an Adonis in literary form!
I close this note once again urgently seeking your signed copy of our contract. I will hastily transfer the funds accrued from your royalties to date and this six-figure sum will be in your account shortly. Whilst your books continue to sell in such truly mesmerising volumes, my respect for your work will be limitless, unquestioning, and fulsome to the point of gross venality.
Yours Sincerely
Marcus Mendacious, Commercial Fiction Director, Pot Boiler Prints.
The End